Forgiveness

Wow, this is a hard concept isn't it.  Coming out of an abusive marriage the last thing I wanted to hear was that I had to forgive my husband.  I tried over and over to do this but I couldn't, and to be perfectly honest there were days when I could have cared less.  On those days I was glad that he ended up out of his mind, stuck away in a home - he had gotten what he deserved...right?  Wrong.

I was wanting vengeance, I wanted him to pay for what he had done, and my heart was hardened with bitterness and anger. 

It wasn't until one Sunday morning when I was sick and home in bed that God finally broke my hard heartedness and showed me the truth.  I was laying in bed and my mind was wondering, just kind of skipping from one thing to another in my head.  I found myself suddenly thinking about Jesus hanging on the cross, and Him asking this of His Heavenly Father...

Luke 23:34a  "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them;  for they know not what they do."

Jesus was asking His Father to forgive people who had no idea that they needed forgiveness, they hadn't even asked for it!  That's when I finally realized that I had been waiting (even though my Pastor had told me not to) for my husband to ask me to forgive him.  I wanted him to acknowledge the pain and suffering that he had caused me for years.  Somehow I thought that in his admitting to the terrible things he had done to me that my soul would find a release for the anguish that was still churning deep inside.  I knew right at that moment however that it was something that was never going to happen.  He did not see that he had done anything wrong, in his mind he was the victim.

My forgiving him had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my relationship to God.  Wanting to please and do right before God made forgiving my husband for 23 years of abuse possible.  It wasn't my strength, for hadn't I tried over and over to do this?  It was only by God's power.  When your vertical relationship with God is right your horizontal relationships with others will fall into place.

Another tool I found that helps in the forgiveness process is praying for that person.  This is how I finally was able to forgive another person who through their words and actions had created years of hurts and hard feelings.  You cannot stay bitter and angry at a person that you are bringing before the Lord in prayer!

Sometimes it's extremely hard, and when it came to this particular person I spent several weeks just asking God for His help to pray for her...and He did.

Ephesians 4:31 & 32  "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, (loud shouting) and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malace:  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

I have also learned that forgiveness is not a one time deal.  Satan loves to bring back hard feelings, hurts, anger and bitterness over things from the past.  Many days I have to forgive again those who have done wrong to me, not because they deserve it, but because I need it.  I'm the one who will suffer if I don't forgive.  My heart will become hard and my relationship with the Lord will suffer because of my stubborn attitude. 

Mark 11: 25 & 26  "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.  But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses."

Do you want to live in a spirit of fleshly bitterness, or in sweet peace with the blessing of
God upon you for obeying Him?  Jesus left us the example of forgiveness, lets strive with
His help to be like Him.

O to be like Thee!  Blessed Redeemer,

This is my constant longing and prayer;

Gladly I'll forfeit all of earth's treasures,

Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

 

O to be like Thee!  Full of compassion,

Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,

Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,

Seeking the wand'ring sinner to find!

 

O to be like Thee!  Lord I am coming,

Now to receive Thy wisdom divine;

All that I am and have I am bringing,

Lord, from this moment all shall be Thine.

 

O to be like Thee!  While I am pleading,

Pour out Thy Spirit, fill with Thy love;

Make me a temple meet for Thy dwelling,

Fit me for life and heaven above.

 

O to be like Thee!  O to be like Thee,

Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art!

Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;

Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.