A longing to be loved, to be cherished and wanted by another is one of our basic human desires. One of the first things God did for Adam in the Garden of Eden was to provide a wife for him.
Genesis 2:18 "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."
After my abusive marriage was over I found it very hard to go to church. I had not been loved, cherished or protected during my marriage, but suddenly being on my own, alone, was extremely difficult. I would sit at the back of the church and watch the couples in the pews in front of me. Husbands with their arms around their wives shoulders, helping with the children. I listened to the Pastor at times speaking about his wife, hearing the love and care in his voice as he talked about the one he loved. There were many times I left church in tears, aching with loneliness and wanting more then anything to have a man love me, cherish me and protect me. It hurt. My best friend and I would talk about this because she was in the same situation; and I would say to her that I hoped these women knew just how much they were blessed to have husbands that loved them. As time went on the ache got harder to bear.
I found myself starting to stay away from church. I began to stay away from church suppers and socials because of the pain of being alone in a room filled with couples. Depression set in.
The more I got bogged down in self-pity the more I started to think that God must not love me either. I began to wonder why He would let me have a life like I had endured and then allow me to end up alone. One day I came across these verses.
Psalms 40:17 "But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me:"
Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."
As I began to think on this the Lord slowly opened my eyes to the fact that everything that I was longing for, to be loved, cherished and protected, I already had...IN HIM!
Jeremiah 31:3 "...Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love..."
Song of Solomon 7:10 "I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."
Psalms 61:1-4 "Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings."
Everything that my broken heart desired I already had, I was just looking in the wrong place! I was looking to the world to provide what could only be found in the Lord. There are days when I still struggle with being alone without a loving husband. When I finished my autobiography, "Behind The Smile" I gave it to my children to read. One of the only comments I got from my daughter was that it upset her because I didn't know what it was like to be loved! This really bothered me and for a few days I found myself again wishing for a loving husband. But then I realized that I was looking yet again in the wrong place for the balm needed for my heart. When our eyes are on Jesus, our desires will line up with His provisions.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.
Helen H. Lemmel
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