friends that I'm still in touch with from high school and college; they warm my heart with
their friendship that has lasted all these years. There are just a few that are close enough
however to know my private thoughts and dreams, three in particular have been there for
me during the worst times in my life and I don't know what I would do without them. I am
very careful about who I let into that inner circle. I've been burned by so called friends in
the past. I don't think that there is anything more painful then to have someone you have
counted as a close friend turn on you. Then there are people that I would love to be friends
with, but have snubbed me many times. It leaves you wondering what it is that is wrong with
you, what you might have done to make them dislike you! People can hurt you, and it's hard
to get over the pain inflicted by one you considered a friend.
The definition of a friend is as follows: "One attached to another by esteem and affection;
an intimate associate, a supporter." The Bible says that "A friend loveth at all times,"
(Proverbs 17:17). A true friend is someone that is very special; always there for you,
supports and loves you no matter what. True friends are scarce. Most people are out to
get what they can from you, they don't care who they trample, hurt, deceive, snub, and
turn on in their quest for making themselves look and feel better. The Bible has a lot to
say about these type of so called "friends."
Micah 7:5a "Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide."
We need to be wise when it comes to whom we call a friend. True friends are a help
to each other...friendship goes two ways, its not a one way street. True friendship grows
and deepens off of each other. When two pieces of iron are rubbed together, it is not
just one that becomes sharper and more useful, both pieces benefit from the friction
of being rubbed together. True friendship is beneficial to both parties, both will
become stronger, more productive and useful to others and in the service of the Lord.
Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of
his friend."
What you want from a friend, you better make sure you are to a friend! If you want
someone you can confide in, trust, who is loyal, someone who will love, support and
always be there with comfort, cheer and a smile...then you had better be sure you are
offering the same thing! That person who is all this to you, is someone that needs all
this from you as well. Don't hold that person to a higher standard then you are willing
to be as a friend.
Here are just a few thoughts that I've had about friendship.
1. Don't be intrusive
Proverbs 25:17 "Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house: lest he be
weary of thee, and so hate thee."
No matter how good of friends you are with someone, everyone needs their space! If
you are always intruding in their space they will tend to be less enthusiastic about your
presence. I try to always remember this; I live alone, but my friends have husbands,
families that need their attention. I have to remind myself that their husbands and
children come first. Be sensitive to the ones that have priority in your friends life,
don't put a strain on your relationship by making your friend feel guilty for not having
more time to spend with you.
2. A true friend wants the best for you
Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy
are deceitful."
A real friend will only want the best for you. When you are told something that hurts,
before jumping into the pity wagon, stop and look at what they've said. If they've said
something that hurt, a real friend will be also hurting because they had to say it. Step
back and examine what was said and then apply it. Sometimes the truth does hurt. If
you are the one to have to go to a friend, make sure the problem has been bathed in
prayer, and go in a spirit of love. There is always the right way and wrong way to do
things. When a situation like this is done the way God would have it, the outcome will
be a positive one.
3. Be choosy in choosing a friend
Proverbs 22:24 & 25 "Make no friendship with an angry man: and with a furious
man thou shalt not go: lest thou learn his ways, and get a share to thy soul."
You will take on the characteristics of those you hang around with. We always caution
our children when they are growing up about their friends...and rightly so. But it just
doesn't apply to children and teenagers. Even adults who choose the wrong friends
will start to participate in their sinful activities and ways, just to be accepted. If you
are friends with someone who is always angry, you will adopt their outlook and
mannerisms. Always choose friends from among those around that you admire for
their Godly lifestyle. Building each other up in the Lord and learning together from
His Word, will result in a friendship that will not only be a blessing to each of you, but
will please the Lord and be a testimony to those around!
4. Be attune to motives
Proverbs 19:6 "Many will intreat the favour of the prince: and every man is
a friend to him that giveth gifts.
Not everyone who wants to be a friend is doing so with honest motives. Be especially
careful if you are a generous person. Some people are just out to get everything they
can from you. I'm not talking about giving to those who need it, witnessing and the
work of the Lord here; I'm referring to those whom you would let into your inner
circle and call a friend. Be wise in choosing your friends.
However many friends you have been blessed with, always remember the best friend
you have, the Lord Jesus. Proverbs 18:24b says, "And there is a friend that sticketh
closer than a brother." This is the one friend that you don't have to put up any
protective walls with. He is never intrusive, always desires the best for us, and you
don't ever have to worry about destructive characteristics and ulterior motives with
Him!
The Lord blessing us with earthly friends is not meant to replace Him. He should be
the first friend we go to with our problems, heartaches, frustrations and tears. We
can trust Jesus to be a faithful, loyal and true friend. The following is the Lord's
definition of what a friend is.
John 15:13 - 15 "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his
life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord
doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of My
Father I have made known unto you."
Where would we be without the earthly friends that God has blessed us with? But
more importantly, where would be without the Lord Jesus Christ, the friend above
all other friends. This friend gave His life for us, He is always with us, feels our
loneliness, fears, disappointments, sorrows and heartaches. We have a friend who
will take our hand and walk beside us through this tumultuous life. How blessed
are we!
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O, what peace we often forfeit, O, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful, Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness, take it to the Lord in prayer!
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer!
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.
Joseph Scriven
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